Playing hot potato

Remember "hot potato"?  You and a group of friends would pass a ball or a rock around the circle. When the music stopped, the person with the "potato" was out. The game would continue until there were just two of you and you would feverishly pass the potato back and forth. You. Her. You. Her. You. Her. Two pounds off. Two pounds on. Off. On. Off. On...

That's where I've been since before Christmas; playing hot potato with the same two pounds. ugh.


It seems like I'm doing all that I should be. I'm staying under 1,200 calories a day, drinking lots of water (I haven't had a Diet Pepsi in ages) and taking my medicine the right way every day.  But, apparently, I've hit a wall.  I can't eat less. So, I've decided to try the thing I dread...exercise.

My Little Minion is a very overweight eight year old.  Like me, he has a slow metabolism.  He eats well and is as active as a normal eight year old boy, but "normal" doesn't work with our bodies. He has said repeatedly that he wants to run like his dad (who's a marathon runner) and I need a fitness buddy who is near the same exercise capacity as me. Hmm. Spending time with my son, doing something together that's good for us. Ding, ding!  We have a winner!

There is a fabulous running store in Valparaiso called Extra Mile Fitness.  They are putting on 5k and 1/2 marathon training programs this spring. Group runs are on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings. Best of all, Little Minion can train with me!  I'm going to the call out meeting on the 23rd to find out more.  In the event that the runs conflict with his soccer games (also on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings), we'll train on our own.  I found a highly rated Couch to 5K app for the iPhone called "Get Running".  It's $2.99 and tracks all sorts of data. It acts like a personal trainer, giving you alerts on when to run/walk during your runs. Plus, Marathon Man gave my first pair of REAL running shoes for Christmas, so I really don't have any more excuses.

I'm still determined to lose 65 pounds this year and keep it off for the rest of my life.

If I can just stop playing hot potato...

22 and counting. By this time next year...

 
I'm sooo ready to say "hello" to 2013.  Bring it on!  2012 was a year of extreme highs and lows for me. I'm looking forward to a more emotionally stable year, that's for sure.  Here are some highlights of the year that was:

• Great year professionally. I feel like I did good work this year.  There's room for improvement, but there were no major catastrophes and I met 95% of my fundraising goals for the organization. 
• Gained 30 pounds in eight months, but, in October, I decided to make some permanent changes to my weight and I've lost 22 pounds in two months so far. 
• More than one significant relationship in my life either vanished or changed which was painful, but I now know how I'm perceived by these people and truth is good. 
• Took more day-trips with the family this year. It may not always seemed like a good idea at the time, but, insisting on "whole-family time out of the house" months ago is resulting in stronger bonds between all of us now. That too is good.  

When I set personal goals for the coming year, I write them down as if I've already reached them. It's a challenging exercise because it causes me to really discern what I have control over in my life and what I don't.  I have also found that setting goals that are beyond one year is ridiculous. It's a good idea to have a vision of what you want, but a successful and happy life requires flexibility and adaptation.  This article is a great example of setting yourself up for utter failure.

So, with that, here is how "2013" turned out for me.

Spiritual

• I feel so much fuller and richer now that I've stopped focusing on serving God and started focusing on knowing God.  I didn't realize how superficial my relationship with Him was.  I've been reading more about faith and putting more of my life into God's hands. I really took the Church's "Year of Faith" to heart and I love the knowledge and peace I've gained.

Marriage & Family

• I had so much fun on our family long weekend getaway this year. This one is a left over from last year.
• My interaction with the kids has been much more focused and positive.  I've really enjoyed playing games with them more often and I've tried to always have a positive tone in my voice and be more affectionate with both of them. We laugh more and have enjoyed each other more than ever. 
• The weekend trip Steve and I took to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary was perfect.  I really wanted do something super meaningful for him to celebrate what an amazing husband, person and friend he is to me.

Personal

• I did it!  I stuck to my plan and lost 65 pounds this year!  I hit my weight loss goal and I feel fantastic.  I have so much more energy and I look great.  As a reward to myself, I bought those black boots I've wanted for forever.  Love them!
• I'm in such a better place emotionally now that I believe in my self-worth. I don't react so intensely and personally to the negative things people say and do to me.

Professional

• The special events for the Club were so successful this year! Plus, I love that I was able to add my own personal touch to each of them. I had so much fun this year! Met this goal last year, and it's a good one, so I'm keeping it on again.

Financial

• I did a really good job working with Steve in getting our financial house in order.  Last year was a disaster. But, I improved my communication with him so we were always aware of what was going to be spent before it was.  We caught up on all our bills and our emergency fund is fully-funded.  Plus we had plenty of money saved for Christmas this year. 

Live long and prosper. Peace and long life.
 

I can feel my face!

I've lost 20 pounds!!  I'm starting to feel it in my face, which is a strong indicator for me.  I can actually feel my jawbone and that's BIG progress. I know I've said that I'm not setting a weight goal, but I've changed my mind.  I want to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight...from my first child 16 years ago.  When I reach that, I'll have lost a total of 85 pounds.  It will take time, but it's on my radar and I know I'll get there.

I've found a new breakfast routine which I absolutely love. Every morning, I start out with Yoplait Strawberry Greek Yogurt.  Honestly, I have no idea what makes it "Greek", but it tastes yummy, keeps my energy level high and my mind feeling balanced.  If I do start to feel a little hungry late in the morning, I grab a string cheese.  Fun to eat and loads of calcium.  Total consumption for the morning is 240 delicious and high energy calories.

Christmas is seven days away and I'm pretty confident I can maintain my weight as it is.  I'm hopeful that I will lose a couple of more pounds before the end of year.

On a side note, I work with a youth service organization in Northwest Indiana.  Last night, a friend of mine was appearing as Santa at one of our facilities and gave the kids a chance to tell Santa what they want for Christmas.  Lots of kids asked for the latest hand-held game system, puppies and toys.  One little girl asked Santa for a bed for Christmas.  My friend told her  "Santa can't bring you a bed.  Is there toy you would like to have?" "No," she said, "I just want a bed to sleep on."

Be merry. Be grateful. Think of others. Give love.

Merry Christmas.

That's more my style

I'm sad to say that I did not lose any weight this week. I'm a little surprised because I feel like I've been moving more than usual. Lots of walking, for sure and I've been staying within my calorie goal. But, that's how my body works.  If I exercise, even a little bit, my body rebels and hangs on to the weight.  If I'm a slug, I drop pounds.

I'm motivated to lose it, though. More than ever.  Two friends of mine recently lost upwards of 60 pounds each and they look fabulous!  I'm still pretty, but I would love to look fabulous again.

I'm also motivated because I want these:

I saw these fab boots on Zappo.com and fell in love with them!  It's definitely time for a new pair.  I want to lose a little bit more in my calves so I can feel comfortable wearing them with tights and a skirt.  That's my style. I haven't worn anything like that for a while because it just doesn't look all that good on my present body shape.  And I do have standards.

Some day. Some day soon. You will be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine.

15 pounds less of me

I love surprises.  Good ones, any way.  This morning, I was completely surprised to look down at the scale and see that I've lost 15 pounds!

The jeans are fitting a little better and I'm not as huffy and puffy when I get to the top of the stairs at work.  Definitely improvements.  But 15 pounds since October 27th is pretty darn good, I say.

One of the most effective tools I'm using is Livestrong's MyPlate calorie tracker.  Since it's web-based, you can access it on your laptop or mobile device and track how many calories you consume, how much water  you drink and how many calories you burn throughout the day. There are thousands of food items in their data base, all with complete nutritional breakdowns. For iPhone users, I recommend spending $2.99 for the full version. 

Steve has been particularly supportive by making sure that I have food  items that are low-calorie/high energy available to me.  One of my favorite things that he's found is Town House Flipsides Cheddar Crackers.  Five tasty crackers only have 70 calories!  The boys love them too.

Still have a long way to go, but I'm encouraged.

On to the next five!

Closing the door

For the first month of my new weight loss quest, I'm happy to report I lost 12 pounds.  Not too shabby.  Unfortunately, I didn't lose any weight this past week due to being sick and in bed most of the time.

The bigger news is that I'm finally coming to terms with a broken relationship. It's been a particularly long and difficult road and the stress from it is one of the reasons attributing to my weight gain this year.  For reasons I still do not (and will never) know, a very close relative of mine decided I was no longer to be a part of his life and he stopped talking to me.  Now, one of my strengths is self-accountability. I'm pretty aware when I've done something wrong and I'm the first to admit it.  For many months, I have been soul-searching for reasons to explain what I could have done to justify this person's estrangement from me.  And I come up with nothing. Nothing. I can't find any fault of mine that would cause this action from him.  Which logically means, that it's not me.  For whatever reason that I cannot explain, he just decided that he didn't want to love and accept me any more.  That's been hard. It's been hard to forgive, because there's no remorse.  It's been hard to accept that this is the way it will be, because I'm a hopeful person.  But, it's time to close the door. I can't continue to feel bad about something I didn't do.

I know I'm a good person. I love to feel loved and to express love. That's all I've ever wanted to do. I am surrounded by good people who love me. People who respect and accept me. And I'm holding on to that.

With all my might.

The right mindset

Last week, I started a prescription weight loss medication.  I used this same medication last summer and lost almost 20 pounds in four weeks. But, I developed high blood pressure, so I stopped the medication. With that in mind, my doctor and I are proceeding carefully, but the fact of the matter is, I've gained 30 pounds since February and it (and more) needs to come off.

As my doctor and I were talking about going back on the medication, I told her about the stress factors in my life right now. She asked if I thought this was a good time to try to lose weight, which I thought was a strange question.  Of course, it is! When I lose weight, that will be a positive factor in my life which I need to help lessen the intensity of the negative. She said that you have to have the right mindset to lose weight.

Now, I'm beginning to see what she meant. I expected the pounds to melt off like last time, but, although I'm consuming less than 1,000 calories a day, the needle on the scale barely moved this week. How can that be?!  What mysterious metabolic disease do I have?! Oooh, maybe it's something new and I'll have a disease named after me!

I read this article and it all began to make sense to me. In it, the author says "When your body releases an excess of cortisol, this interferes with your metabolic processes. The release of stress hormones has been linked with a slowing down of the metabolism. So when you are dealing with a lot of stress, you may be eating the same amount of food as before but not burning off as many calories as you used to." That's me to a tee.  Even the "wonder drug" can't help me lose weight if I'm dealing (or not dealing) with stress.

So, that's the key to the weight loss treasure chest.  Changing my mindset will change my body.

Next stop...my happy place.

Today's lesson is about--time out!

Being healthy is not a low number on the scale in the morning. That is a result of (hopefully) being healthy in the body, mind and spirit.  If one, two or all three are out of balance, there's trouble.

This week, I've had to unexpectedly deal with all sorts of  imbalance, my own and others.  It's been coming at me from all directions. And it's been tough. It's tough because the daily management of deadlines at work and schedules for the family suddenly go from being a well-laid out plan to being items of which I have to prioritize and choose which ones get accomplished and which don't.  Add a killer migraine, achy body and  very sore throat and compounded by the weight the imbalances bring and, man, I have one heck of a country song on my hands.

We've all been there.  Especially if we're parents. As moms and dads, we strive to maintain balance and harmony in our families to keep them physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy.  When that balance is off, we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders.  We put forth super-human effort to fix what's broken and restore balance. And it's tough.

One of the hardest things to do during stressful times is to take care of yourself.  Do something that makes you happy and brings a physical, emotional and/or spiritual respite, however brief, from the battle. Take a break from the stress and make some "You" time. In this article about the importance of having quality time, the author validates that "Taking time off for yourself allows you to renew and rejuvenate. You will emerge with more vigor and energy to face every day’s chaos."  For me, my "me time" this week is daily trips to Dunkin Donuts for their Sausage Wake Up Wrap and a small coffee.  The wrap is only 290 calories and it makes me feel like I'm starting out the day doing something special for myself.  I'm also taking a couple of days off of work, even though there is a project on my desk waiting to be finished. And that's okay.

And I've been praying. A lot.

Do for you so you can do for others. Restore your own well-being so you can be the help others need to restore theirs.  It's important to make time for *you*. 

Seriously?

I am totally in love with my husband and am grateful for everything that he does for me.  But seriously!  How am I supposed to lose weight when he makes a huge batch of oatmeal raisin walnut chocolate/peanut butter chip pieces of heaven?!

I guess the oatmeal and raisins are healthy, right?

Decision Day (and this time, I mean it!)

I officially have gained the "freshman 30".  Except that I'm not in college :(.  In my first year back to work full-time, I have put on that much weight. Ugh. 

So, today's the day. I have made the decision to never see that number on the scale again.  No, that doesn't mean that I'm going to close my eyes when I weigh myself.  It means that I'm changing my ways. And I mean it this time.

I've struggled with my weight all of my adult life. Sometimes, I've fought really hard. Sometimes, I've given up. But, I'm inspired by some of my friends and acquaintances who have lost a serious amount of weight. I know that I'm not like them and that I have challenges unique to me in losing weight.  I *know* I need support, guidance, and advice. I welcome it all.

My goal is not a number on the scale.  It's a feeling.  It's a vision. I'll get there when I get there, but I have made the decision to work at it every day. No matter what.

Today's the day.

It's that simple

Simplify. Oh my, do I need to do that! Since I started working 40+ hours a week outside the house again, my home life has become anything but simple. It seems like I can't stay organized and on top of things no matter how hard I try. Scheduled appointments are remembered last minute, laundry piles up, important papers are lost, and cleaning the house...forget about it. With all of the able bodies here in the house, everyone seems to have a "scheduling" conflict that keeps them from pitching in. "I'll get to it tomorrow night, " I say to myself. And then...

It seems like I am constantly behind the ball.

This isn't the first time I've had a full-time job outside of the house. How did we manage before? I honestly don't remember.

Earlier this week, while feeling a little overwhelmed and a bit defeated, I started to look for things to do for Lent. I've always tried to do something that would bring a sense of peace and discipline to an aspect of my life. I was cruising through facebook when I came across a post about this article. While I thought all of ideas were good and things that people who love each other should do anyway, the last suggestion struck me as the answer to my Lenten prayer. "Simplify you life. Clean out a drawer, closet, or other storage area each day during Lent...". Make a place for everything and put everything in its place. But, do it one at a time and it will be easier to stay on top of it. Oh, to one day feel organized and not crazy... It's that simple.

Last night, I cleaned off the top of my bedroom dresser. Tonight, I'm going to clean under the dresser. 39 days from now, will I feel like I'm actually taking care of my family instead of trying to catch up with them? That's my Lenten prayer.

What's your legacy?

Yesterday, I attended a memorial service for a friend/colleague/mentor/supporter, in essence a wonderful woman. She was 57 when she succumbed to cancer. Too young.

Her memorial service was unlike any other I've attended. It was truly a celebration. It was held in an art gallery, celebrating her love of fine art. A youth choir performed, celebrating her love of music. Young women from a local arts school performed an interpretive dance, celebrating her love of watching kids express themselves through dance. The room was full of people sharing stories, talking about the last time they saw her, how they found out, that they couldn't believe she was gone. They laughed, talked, networked. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Her son spoke about her last months, looked at each of us, and said that because she touched each of our lives, she lives on through us. That meant that we are his mother now. Oh sure, tears fell at that point, but there was also a call to responsibility. We are what she left behind to carry on her passions, her beliefs, her work. We are her legacy.

Who or what is your legacy? For whom are you the legacy?

Update: Still at 20 pounds give or take a couple. Still have high blood pressure, but hopefully, a check on Thursday will show I'm back to normal.

Happy birthday to me

"Another year has passed me by. Still I look at myself and sigh. What kind of man have I become?"

In less than four hours, I will be another year older. More often, birthdays are contemplative times for me. My conscience compels me to examine where I am, who I am, and what I'm doing on a much deeper level than I normally do.

I made a HUGE lifestyle change three years ago. I left my well-paying career, quit smoking, and sacrificed my pursuit of luxury in order to be an "at-home-mom" and become a more faceted person. I wanted the richness in my life to be represented by family, friendship, love, community and spirit.

No, it hasn't been easy and, no matter how detailed the plan, things have not always worked out the way I thought they would.

But, my children know that I love them, not because I buy them something every time we go into a store. They know I love them because I am there for them. Every minute. Every day. And they show me that's important to them. I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world.

I think this year, I'm giving myself a solid B.

Oh by the way, I have not resumed my "faster than a speeding bullet" weight loss medication. Still have high blood pressure. However, I lost an additional five pounds which brings me to 20 in six weeks.

"Live long and prosper. Peace and long life."

Anyone Can Cook

I have only made soup twice using someone else's recipe and failed miserably at it. I've never made a broth based soup. Yet, I really had a taste for Chicken Tortilla Soup and was determined to make it. Sans the tortilla. I found a recipe on line and (greatly) adapted it using only the ingredients I like.

The result? A surprisingly (for me) delicious chicken & rice soup loaded with "south of the border" flavor and heat.

Below is the recipe for my Mexican Chicken & Rice Soup. I used a slow cooker.

Ingredients:

1/2 lb shredded grilled chicken
1 can Ro*tel diced tomatoes with green chilies
32 oz all-natural chicken stock (I used Rachel Ray Stock-In-A-Box)
2 cups water
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
1/2 yellow bell pepper, chopped
2 scallions, chopped
1 cup uncooked white rice
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Place all ingredients in a slow cooker. Cover and cook on Low for 6-7 hours.

Enjoy!

That's what Moms are for

"It was like coming this close to your dreams, and then watching them brush past you like a stranger in a crowd."

Admittedly, the past couple of days have been pretty tough. After 15+ years of trying to lose weight, only to gain, I had hope that my ship had come in. I had a plan to lose the weight and was doing it. It felt fantastic! I began to dream about being a size 10 again and it was as real as it could be. But, that ship has sailed.

To be sure, I'd consider myself pretty vain if that was the ONLY thing that has me distressed. It's not. It's the latest in a LONG line of recent things to which I've given 150% of my effort and attention, only to result in something much less than what I had hoped.

"Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." Indeed, it can.

However, my mom did the thing that all good moms do. She dragged my butt to the gym. We talked to her personal trainer and learned about some different types of foods and eating plans, and then she drove me to Au Naturel Market in Valparaiso. We purchased some of the things the trainer recommended, like low-calorie gluten-free Pop Chips, gluten-free cereal and quinoa flour.

She also convinced me that I need to cook for myself. That in itself is enough to make me not want to eat, but it makes sense. My husband (who is THE cook in the family) can still prepare menus and meals for himself and the kids, but I will have control over what and how much is on my plate. And he won't need to cook twice. Tomorrow, I'm making chicken soup.

And, in two weeks, after I deal with this high-blood pressure thing, I'll talk with my doctor again. Maybe we reduce the dosage, maybe we'll try something different, maybe that's all there was to begin with.

In the meantime, I'm going to listen to Mom and do something I've never done before. I'm going to learn how to cook for myself.

Wish me luck!

It's not fair

I lost 15 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks. Yep. 15 pounds. When I crossed the 10 pound mark, I knew that I was finally going to do it. I found the thing that works! I was finally going to lose the weight!

I've been trying to lose the weight my entire adult life. Weight Watchers. Jenny Craig. Richard Simmons. Total Body Makeover. Atkins. Exercise DVDs. Yoga. Health club memberships. Walking. Eating less. Drinking water. Nothing I did took off the weight.

Finally, I decided to work with a doctor and was seeing amazing results. I had hope!

Now, I have high blood pressure. One of the things I was trying to avoid by losing the weight. Ironic, isn't it? It's one of the side effects of the medication. And now I can't take it.

I did this to live longer, to be healthier, to be pretty again. It's not fair. It's just not fair.

Honey, where are the brownies?

Whatever works

I love getting on the scale this week. I'm a fanatic. I weigh myself at least once a day, because I can't believe what I see! I lost 7 pounds. 7 pounds in 7 days!

I am hardly ever hungry and when I am, I eat about 1/4 of what I used to. I'm staying away from sweets, no matter how often hubs offers me a chocolate turtle or M&Ms. (Still not sure who's side he's on.) I'm drinking a lot of water and I exercised 4 times this week. I must admit, my little helper is making a big difference.

93 pounds to go.

Whatever works.

My family's heart disease helped! Who knew?!

About a month ago, I attended a Women's Forum, hosted by the Porter County Community Foundation. The Forum was health-centric and our local hospital provided free screenings for blood pressure, cholesterol, bone density, etc. Since I never go to the doctor for anything other than pregnancy, I thought "why not do the screenings? As long as I'm here." Now, I have been overweight my entire adult life, the gene pool on both sides of my family includes chronic heart disease and I'm a former smoker. I had a pretty strong feeling that my ticker and things associated with it were not in the best of shape. It turns out that I was wrong! My initial screenings were so good that the next day I had a whole blood screening done. And that one was good too! So, my heart is in good shape...for now. What can I do to keep it that way? Lose the weight!!! I am healthy and want to stay that way. I need help. I need a DOCTOR.

Prior to my appointment, I did a little research on weight loss medications. I'm not really a fan of taking medication for myself. I would rather employ proven natural or herbal treatments for anything. I barely take aspirin for a headache. But, in this case, I know what I have done and I know it hasn't worked. The articles I read stated that weight-loss medication is prescribed for individuals who are clinically obese AND have a serious health problem like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. That's not me. I'm just overweight.

Prepared for the usual "let's do some blood work, but all you really need to do is burn more calories that you consume", I sat down and started talking to the doctor. She really surprised me. She listened, which is practically a first. She also took my family's heart history very seriously, that's also a first. And because of the family's heart issues, she recommended and prescribed a weight-loss medication for me. YAY!!! I finally have help! I am so excited!!!!

My long-term goal is to lose and keep off 100 pounds. My short-term goal is to lose enough weight that I can comfortably sit in an airplane seat for a trip I hope to take in February.

Got a lo-cal Diet? check. Got Exercise? check. Got Mama's little helper? CHECK!

Let's lose it!

THE DOCTOR

So, the last time I wrote a post for this blog was January 3rd. I'm proud to say that with the help of the calorie tracker on livestrong.com, I lost 10 pounds in January. And that's it. 10 pounds. 10 pounds that I promptly gained back. I haven't lost another ounce all year.

Not to say that I haven't tried. I have a part-time job that keeps me outside walking in all kinds of weather two-three times a week. I walk at least a couple of miles a day doing that. And, I exercise at the health club two to three times a week on top of it. I barely drink coffee and pop. I rarely eat fast food and my sweet consumption is moderate at best. I can't remember the last time I ate something that was fried. My eating and exercise habits are better than ever. I should be losing weight left and right. And yet, the dial on the scale doesn't move.

So what's the problem? Don't know, maybe nothing more than I need to do something differently. What I do know is that it's time to seek professional answers. I need to lose at least 80 pounds and "diet & exercise" alone isn't cutting it. I'm going to THE DOCTOR next week. This is a big deal, because I don't go to THE DOCTOR. I've lived here almost six years and I don't have a DOCTOR. In fact, I haven't had a DOCTOR since I was a kid. My kids, yes. My husband, certainly. Me, nope. Never sick. Wait, I did go to urgent care five years ago because I had sinus infection that lasted a month. But, other than that...

I hope that THE DOCTOR will prescribe a new miracle drug that will instantly melt away the pounds returning me to my pre-wedded hotness. It could happen...right?

The scale lies

Well, one of the scales does!

I bought a new scale today. It's an old-fashioned dial scale. We had a digital scale for a long time, but for the last few years, I haven't been all that confident in its readings. Based on other scales I've tried, I was pretty sure that the digital scale was around 8 pounds off. So, I would just add 8 pounds to whatever the reading was. The batteries finally wore out so, out with the old...

I was kind of excited about trying out the new scale and getting an accurate read on my weight. That, was my first mistake. My second mistake was actually getting on the scale.

Oh my. That's definitely more than what the number usually is, even with the 8 pound differential.

I hate to admit it. The old scale lied.

This is bad.