Closing the door

For the first month of my new weight loss quest, I'm happy to report I lost 12 pounds.  Not too shabby.  Unfortunately, I didn't lose any weight this past week due to being sick and in bed most of the time.

The bigger news is that I'm finally coming to terms with a broken relationship. It's been a particularly long and difficult road and the stress from it is one of the reasons attributing to my weight gain this year.  For reasons I still do not (and will never) know, a very close relative of mine decided I was no longer to be a part of his life and he stopped talking to me.  Now, one of my strengths is self-accountability. I'm pretty aware when I've done something wrong and I'm the first to admit it.  For many months, I have been soul-searching for reasons to explain what I could have done to justify this person's estrangement from me.  And I come up with nothing. Nothing. I can't find any fault of mine that would cause this action from him.  Which logically means, that it's not me.  For whatever reason that I cannot explain, he just decided that he didn't want to love and accept me any more.  That's been hard. It's been hard to forgive, because there's no remorse.  It's been hard to accept that this is the way it will be, because I'm a hopeful person.  But, it's time to close the door. I can't continue to feel bad about something I didn't do.

I know I'm a good person. I love to feel loved and to express love. That's all I've ever wanted to do. I am surrounded by good people who love me. People who respect and accept me. And I'm holding on to that.

With all my might.